


there, there

by Coldest



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Happy Ending, Harry is really sad and that makes Louis sad as well, I didn't work out the plot very well, M/M, Sadness, sorry - Freeform, sorry for that sappy ending, yeah - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-02
Updated: 2015-11-02
Packaged: 2018-04-29 14:51:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5131658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Coldest/pseuds/Coldest
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the aftermath of their lives as pop muses, everything starts to fall apart. Louis had seen it coming, even when it was still the small ghost of headlights coming towards them on the highway. He had seen it coming and he wasn't prepared for the impact of the colission like he should've been.</p>
            </blockquote>





	there, there

In the aftermath of their lives as pop muses, everything starts to fall apart. Louis had seen it coming, even when it was still the small ghost of headlights coming towards them on the highway. He had seen it coming and he wasn't prepared for the impact of the colission like he should've been.

 

He always thought he would be able to handle everything, as long as he was right next to Harry, but lately it seems like the total opposite is true.

 

Harry had always been the one to shine the brightest, especially on stage and Louis had loved it. He had loved the days where Harry was still this force to be reckoned with, still this magnifying person that not only Louis, but the whole world was drawn to like a moth to a flame. But Louis had watched him slowly fade away, and before he could even comprehend what was going on, his Harry had turned to ashes.

 

It had started the day they signed those stupid pieces of paper, it had started and they hadn't even realised it. They had all been so happy that day, _finally_ signed, finally they'd be able to perfom and maybe even build a fanbase, if they were lucky enough. The excitement had overshadowed their abilities to think clearly, the thought that their love would be seen as wrong by some hadn't even crossed their minds.

 

“Loueh, we're gonna be famous.” Harry had said later when the five of them went out to celebrate. His bright eyes were shiny and Louis thought that if he looked close enough, he could see the hint of love shine through.

 

He had laughed, had grabbed Harry's hand, had kissed it. He felt so, so happy and he knew this was a feeling that was going to last. No matter how the band would end up, he would always have Harry, he was certain of it.

 

Turns out that Harry had been right. The fame came quickly, taking angry men with suits and expensive sport cars with it.

 

They said no. They said no but the man just laughed and slapped that goddamn _awful_ piece of paper on the table. Louis can still hear the sound of it echoing in his head.

 

“If you don't do as we say, we will sue you. We will end your careers without a hint of regret.” The man had laughed before continuing, “boys, you signed this. You're gonna do what we want you to do.”

 

That's how Louis ended up with a girl on his arm, and Harry with what seemed like a different girl every month, going to places they didn't want to go and meeting people they didn't want to meet. It had been the start of what would be a terrible couple of years, where they would be forced go through hell and back, never knowing if they were going to make it.

 

Louis doesn't know it they did. Six years later, they are still together yes, but they're not happy. Harry's not happy. Harry is only a shell of what he used to be and it's killing Louis.

 

So now Louis' dancing with strange hands touching him all over his body, dancing like his boy isn't waiting for him at home, probably crying and wondering if he's okay. And he knows. God, he knows so well that he shouldn't do this, that he should just turn around and walk away, but. But the boy he thought was the love of his life won't open up to him anymore, won't let Louis touch him anymore, only sits crying, only wakes him up to apologise every single night.

 

He can't do this any longer. He _needs_ this. He needs the touches and the words, he needs the sex. And Harry won't give it to him.

 

He smiles, wraps his hands around the blond man's neck and asks him when he's finally going to take him to bed.

 

\--

 

He opens the door when the early morning light is already shining through the curtains, and finds Harry sitting in the hallway with his head buried in his knees. His head snaps up almost immediately, no matter how hard Louis wishes he's asleep.

 

He scrambles to his feet, eyes wide and cheeks stained with tears. “Lou.” He whispers, reaching out to touch him.

 

Louis avoids his arms and walks upstairs. Only now he feels how exhausted he really is, he could do with a couple hours of sleep without Harry needing something from him.

 

But before he has even settled in his bed, Harry appears in the doorway, hesitant as always. Harry, who seems to always feel like he's walking on eggshells.

 

“I'm sorry.”

 

Louis rolls his eyes. “Harry, there's nothing to be sorry for.” No. Louis should be the one to apologise, but Harry doesn't even ask him where he's been. Louis wonders if he even cares.

 

“Can I sleep here? Or do you want me on the couch?” Harry asks.

 

The thing is, Harry has done nothing wrong. He hasn't ever done anything wrong, but he still apologises. It's something that somehow came with the destruction their fame brought them. And up to this day, Louis still doesn't know how it happened, he doesn't know why Harry has become this person who never goes outside, who only walks around their house trying to avoid being in Louis' way. As if he ever was a bother.

 

Louis sighs, “of course you can sleep here, why would I want you to sleep on the couch?” Harry just shrugs in response, and leaves the room to get changed.

 

\--

 

The next day actually starts quite nice, the boys all come along for their monthly movie day, introduced by Niall when they just quit with One Direction. Louis must say that he is so, so grateful for Niall. If it hadn't been for their monthly get together, Louis thinks they might have never seen each other again, or maybe only once a year. He still considers Liam and Niall his brothers, and he knows it would hurt a hell of a lot to have that taken away.

 

When Louis walks into the kitchen he sees Niall, head buried in the fridge. “Mate, please tell me you have beers?”

 

Louis laughs, “Niall, it's only 12, it's barely an appropriate time to drink.”

 

Niall shoots him a look, and sighs to create some extra drama. “I fucken hate you man, you knew I would crave beers.”

 

Yeah, he knew. He just hadn't felt like going out to buy said beers, not even for his best mate. Even though the attention has been significantly less since the band split apart, it's still hard to be on the streets without having his picture taken. He just doesn't want his face on the front cover of some awful gossip magazine, along with a headline stating how awful he looks.

 

“Maybe we shouldn't drink with Harry around.” Louis snaps his head up, looking at Liam in a way that doesn't portray any of his feelings. Or at least he hopes it doesn't. “What the fuck are you on about? Harry doesn't have a fucking drinking problem.”

 

Liam just shrugs, pity evident in his eyes. Louis hates it when people look at him like that. “He's vulnerable, Lou. We shouldn't expose him to that kind of stuff. It could be distructing.”

 

“Well that's fucking rich. He has been working on his self destruction since fucking 2013, taking me with him.” He walks up to the fridge and pulls a bottle of scotch from it, just to prove a point. “I am _not_ going to end up like him. I refuse to walk on eggshells around him. I'm not going to stop doing the things I want to do, just because he can't stop acting like a fucking kid.” and as an afterthought, he adds, “and you shouldn't either.”

 

“Where is he anyway?” Niall asks, pouring himself a glass of scotch.

 

“In our room. He'll probably come out later. But don't expect too much of him. He's been getting worse.”

 

When the three of them are sitting on the couch an hour later, Harry finally emerges from his cave. He gives a small wave and takes a seat in the leather armchair Louis enherited from his grandfather. Harry has always loved that chair. Louis had wanted to throw it away but Harry said it held too much history and memories to throw away. Three years later, he is rather glad Harry convinced him to keep the chair.

 

“How are you, Haz?” He hears Liam inquire.

 

“'M fine. And you?” Harry answers, eyes glued to the television in front of him, where a football match is playing. Harry never liked football. He only liked to watch Louis' games, never others.

 

After that, Louis pops _Pulp Fiction_ into the dvd-player, and tries not to glance over at Harry too often.

 

\--

 

Louis gets woken at a time that no human being should be awake, and he flicks the lights on, only to find Harry's tear streamed face staring back at him. “What's wrong, baby?”

 

Harry bursts into tears at that, body shaking with the force of his sadness. “Oh no, baby, shh, it's okay.” Louis comforts, holding his boy as close to his body as possible.

 

Harry clings to his worn white shirt and Louis feels his neck get wet from the tears. “Want to tell me what's wrong?”

 

“I know where you were last night,” he hiccups, and Louis' heart stops. He hadn't let himself think about what he'd done, but this is a slap in the face. “But it's okay,” Harry continues, “I get it. I get it.” He breaks into tears again and the fact that Harry says it's okay, makes it even worse. He needs Harry to be mad, he needs him to scream and throw his footie awards against the wall, needs him to hit him, needs him to not be sorry for once. 

 

“How.. I mean, how did you find out?”

 

Harry just points at the nightstand on his side, where a magazine is lying, Louis' face on the front cover, the boy from last night holding him. 

 

“Fuck. I'm so sorry Harry.” He kisses the top of his love's head, buries his face in his curls, breathing him in. Something he hasn't done in quite a while. 

 

Harry retracts his head from his hiding place in Louis' neck and smiles at him. “It's okay. We haven't had sex in a long time.” His sad eyes drift to the magazine. “And he looks really nice. Fit.”

 

“You have to hear me out. Please.You.. You frustrate me, Haz. I'm so scared that I lost you and I love you so-” his voice cracks, and he finds himself unable to hold in his emotions any longer, “so much. I don't think you understand.”

 

His boy laughs breathily, “I do, I do. Believe me. And I'm sorry.” 

 

Louis waits for a while, trying to make sense of his thoughts, trying to find a way to say this without either of them getting hurt too much. It only seems to make Harry more nervous though, so he decides to just do it.

 

“Why did you start apologising for everything?”

 

Harry's eyes go big, shiny with uncertainty. “Sorry, I- fuck. I don't know.”

 

“If we want to make it we're going to have to communicate.” He hesitates, “because I don't know how much longer I can keep living like this.” 

 

“What did I do?” Harry asks and Louis wants to cry. “Please Harry, please stop. What happened to you? I can't even.. Fuck, I can't even draw a line. I don't even know when you became this way. This isn't right for either of us. We can't keep living like this, you know? Something needs to change and I don't know if I can help you with that. I think you need to see someone.”

 

“As in psychologist?”

 

Louis nods, eyes focused on his lap.“And I know you don't want that. But I think it's what's best. I may be gone in four months time if you don't change. And I'm sorry but I fell in love with the person you used to be. Not who you are now.”

 

When Louis looks up, he sees the most devastating look on his boy's face. He feels his heart break all over again, in even tinier pieces. Harry crawls back into his arms, and Louis hears the tiniest whisper of _okay._

 

–

 

The next few months are extremely hard and draining, but never more than the months where they lived next to each other but not together. Louis'd take hurting together over hurting alone any day. 

 

Harry has a hard time opening up to his psychologist, and especially to Louis, but he does it. And Louis couldn't be prouder. 

 

Right now, they're sitting on their freshly made bed, holding each other close like they used to before.

 

“..I think I felt like I had to change in order for people to accept me. Because that's what we'd been told all this time, yeah?” 

 

Louis nods, nosing along Harry's cheek. It makes Harry giggle and Louis thinks about how much he loves that sound. 

 

“What about what I did? I regret it more than anything.”

 

Harry lifts his head up from Louis' chest, and smiles.“I know. It's okay, Lou. When I said I understood I meant it, and I still do. It hurts to know that you let another man touch you like that, but I get it. Plus I haven't been a great partner either, especially not sexually.” He winks, “Oh by the way, I think I might be ready again.”

 

Louis laughs at that, relief flooding through his body. He caresses the small brown curls at the back of Harry's neck, “I don't think you are. But that's okay as well, because I'd wait a lifetime for you.”

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
